Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
