My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
