I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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