got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
