So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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