He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
