Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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