i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
