did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
