i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
