as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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