I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
