this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
