i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
