guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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