i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize