we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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