WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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