Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
