i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
