best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
