i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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