Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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