i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
