I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
