I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
