I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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