Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
