I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
