did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
