Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
this will be a night to untag.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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