Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
