i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
