If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
