this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
