All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
