I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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