this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smell like Dick and happiness
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