I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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