I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i've created a new STD.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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