laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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