Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
