I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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