I think I died a long time ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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