I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He passed out mid-signature
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
