Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
