Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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