FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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