my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
