i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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