I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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