can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
