Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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