My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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