...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
