hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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