I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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