I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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