Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
