The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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