Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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