i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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