guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
