K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
