What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
